A positive sighting of 118 black swans

The appearance of a new book that credibly documents 118 cases of child-adult sexual relationships remembered in adulthood by the child as having been a positive experience ought to be the occasion of great rejoicing. Personally, I will do my best to celebrate following the publication last month of Positive Memories, by T. Rivas, and I hope all heretics here will do likewise.
So, if you have a bottle of champagne handy, now is as good a time as any to crack it open and be of good cheer. Or it would be, but for the lamentably unavoidable fact that the overwhelmingly “dominant discourse” is so loud right now, especially here in the UK, that our celebration will be like two or three cultured friends trying to have a sensible conversation in a restaurant while a stag party full of noisy, rowdy drunks at the next table is drowning out everything you are trying to say. On a day when  yet another British TV celebrity bit the dust over child sex offences, any sort of celebration feels unreal – both insensitive to others’ pain and an exaggeration of what a single new book can be expected to achieve, no matter how good it is. Incidentally, the current atmosphere in Britain is nailed superbly by sociologist Frank Furedi in a recent article, “After Savile: policing as entertainment”.
But, hell, let’s give that book some space. Let’s shout over the background noise. The author’s name will be familiar to a good many here, thanks to his association with Ipce, under whose auspices the paperback now appears, and which made his collection available online a while ago as a free PDF download. Those who possess portable document readers will thus already have been able to read the book’s contents from the comfort of their armchairs, but old troopers like me will prefer to have the print edition in their hands.
Rivas has trawled the published academic literature for relevant case descriptions, plus other material from relatively reliable sources such as published biographies. In addition there are accounts represented as factual on websites and internet discussion forums. All information is fully sourced except for some websites that are no longer accessible. Accounts from all four gender combinations are represented: Boy-Man, Boy-Woman, Girl-Man, Girl-Woman. I know of no other work that brings together such a range of cases into a single handy reference book such as this. In addition to the 118 “relationships”, there are also additional cases: these include positively experienced “loose” contacts, which were sexual but without the commitment of a love relationship, plus some examples of platonic relationships, which were loving but without any sex.
The author, who is available to answer questions by email (ipcetrivas@gmail.com) discusses ethics, the role of parents/carers, and more.
Now, for the scholarly types here (a goodly proportion, I would guess), there is a bonus. In addition to announcing Positive Memories here, I can tell you about what may have been the first debate about it on a research-oriented online forum, i.e. Sexnet, after I had introduced it there. A representative from Virtuous Pedophiles (boo, hiss!) responded with a couple of highly sceptical questions clearly designed to expose the book’s supposed shortcomings. That’s fine, all research should be put to the test of close scrutiny. In order to answer these questions I consulted the author, who came up with excellent answers: his book passed the test. Needless to say, this ruffled the feathers of our sanctimonious (sorry, virtuous) colleague, who lashed out against me personally as a convenient alternative target.
I won’t dwell on that. Such squabbles are boring. I hope heretics will be interested, though, in a question the VP asked just before his desperate final resort to mud-slinging. This was after Rivas has answered the initial questions. The VP (Nick Devin) then wrote: “The anecdotal evidence that you have produced of long-term benefit to children is presumably intended to serve as a response to the anecdotal evidence of harm.”
Devin’s presumption was wrong. Unlike the academic researchers who make up a high proportion of Sexnet’s membership, he has no understanding of science and is only a member by virtue (if you’ll forgive the pun) of being a specimen paedophile – same as me, really, but at least I’ve done my homework. What follows is the answer I gave him. I have given it a title just to set it apart. Enjoy!
Anecdotal evidence: its use and abuse
No, this is a complete misunderstanding; but it is a very useful one because the differences between the two ends of the spectrum of anecdotal evidence on harm/benefit, or rather the different uses to which they are being put, is of fundamental importance, and you have given me an opportunity to clarify the position. If I get anything wrong I am sure there are scientists here who will be pleased to correct me.
It is important to understand that evidence in scientific issues will vary in its significance according to the present state of knowledge or belief, as illustrated by the classic example of the black swan. White swans are common and at one time it was believed there were no black swans. In these circumstances it requires the discovery of only one black swan in the world to disprove the theory that there are no black swans. In other words, you do not require a huge set of observations of many swans. One example will suffice, provided it is well described and credibly attested, otherwise there will rightly be scepticism over its status as a real black swan. Even in the absence of a reliable observation, though, the dubious traveller’s tale, or mere anecdote, will have some scientific interest, because it could very usefully prompt more formal scientific investigation.
This is roughly the position we are in with regard to adult-child sexual contacts sometimes being beneficial. Theo Sandfort, back in the 1980s, set out to examine formally whether there were any black swans in this field, in terms of positively experienced man-boy sexual contacts. He only needed a very small data set (even a single rock solid example would have sufficed) to prove the existence of his black swan. In fact, his data comprised 25 positively experienced man-boy relationships, which were very credibly attested, in a high-quality study. So, voilà, we had some black swans!
Or did we? Could it be that the swans were actually white but had just got caught in an oil slick? That’s what some suggested, on the basis that there had been no follow-up. The boys had been asked what benefits they felt from the relationships at the time, but would they feel differently 10 or 20 years later? It was a reasonable question, especially in light of the tremendous propaganda against such relationships to which teenagers and young adults are subjected these days.
This brings us to Rivas’s new book. It is less scientific than Sandfort’s work in some ways e.g. Rivas is not a trained scientist so far as I am aware. But it is more so in others e.g. his data set is much bigger (n=118, compared to Sandfort’s n=25) and, crucially, his data have been gleaned from retrospective accounts which are not open to the objection levelled against Sandfort’s work: Rivas takes account of the younger participant’s long-term assessment, whereas Sandfort does not. Note also the answer Rivas gave to Nick’s sceptical question as to how many of his sample later became paedophiles: answer, none, because Rivas had anticipated the objection and excluded such cases.
Bearing these points in mind it would be grossly unscientific, I suggest, to brush aside Rivas’s work as mere anecdote. This is a systematic and careful study which amounts to far more than just a “traveller’s tale”. Neither mere anecdote nor the Rivas study (which is much better than that but not fully scientific) can prove the existence of the black swan. However, taking Sandfort and Rivas together, they provide powerful evidence as to its likely existence, and therefore they provide a very sound – unanswerable, I would say – rationale for conducting research of a more compelling kind.
Now, let’s turn to the other end of the spectrum: anecdotal evidence of harm, rather than benefit. Why do we need it? Here we are talking about white swans. Nobody doubts their existence. Numerous formal scientific studies, including meta-analyses, have been undertaken which copiously demonstrate long-term harm in some cases, especially coerced encounters.
In these circumstances anecdotal evidence is not used legitimately, as it is in black swan cases, to direct the attention of science towards interesting possibilities. Quite the opposite: it is used by lobby groups to whip up emotion that actually obscures and denies existing scientific findings. Notoriously, horror story anecdotes are routinely preferred in public discourse to the solid evidence presented by Rind et al. showing that “CSA” (even when coerced cases are included) does not typically lead to severe harm. Indeed, Nick, you have been criticised on this very forum yourself for privileging anecdotes that accord with your beliefs over science that does not. Judging by the following, you do not appear to have paid any attention:

In terms of my view of whether sexual relations between children and adults are harmful, I understand from my time on sexnet that the data is thin.  There is, however, a great deal of anecdotal evidence of harm, even where no force is involved.  Some of these cases are detailed in The Trauma Myth by Susan Clancy, as well as in other places. 

Your one saving grace here is that you have referenced Clancy, whose work is not properly characterised as merely anecdotal. She carried out interviews with more than 200 adults over 10 years in a methodical and careful study. However, like Rivas’s accounts, her selection cannot be taken as representative. In Clancy’s case recruitment was from among people who pre-defined themselves as having been “abused”, many of whom were already in therapy. That does not mean her work is useless (it is very persuasive on iatrogenic sources of harm), but it does mean it cannot be used to refute Rind et al.

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Cyril

according to a new review of studies only 23% to 1% of adults with “childhood” illegal sexual experience consider themselves as victims of child sexual abuse: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0145213423001680

Cyril

77% instead of 23%, I was mistaken:

LINDE-KRIEGER, L., MOON, C., & YATES, T.… 2021… The majority of CSA victims self-defined the experiences as abusive (77 % concordant), but nearly a quarter did not (23 % discordant).

VAILLANCOURT-MOREL, M-P., GODBOUT, N., BÉDARD, M.G., CHAREST, É., BRIERE, J., & SABOURIN, S.… 2016… The prevalence of legally defined C.S.A. and self-defined differed markedly: the prevalence of legally defined was CSA was 21.3 % for women and 19.6 % for men, whereas self-defined CSA was present in 7.1 % of women and 3.8 % of men.

Cyril

it is said in this article that Pablo Escabar met his future wife when she was 12, and she have been calling him “tender” “gentleman”, “pretty prince”:

Cyril

the message here is that girls are able to love adults

Cyril

As it turned out, the famous revolutioner Wilhelm Libknecht met and started love affair with Ernestine Landolt in 1849, when she was 15

Cyril

Tom, I knew today that “positive response bias” in “victims” is assessible through “the Minimization-Denial subscale” of the Childhood trauma questionnary:

This “minimization” is said to be spread in a clinical sample, not in controls— may be, because the first know better what adult-child sex is?

Cyril

positive emotions in “victims” from “sexual abuse” are admitted to be important for being taken in consideration:

https://doi.org/10.1080/10538712.2022.2139316

Last edited 1 year ago by Cyril
phil

Looks like it’s been terrorized out of existence, alla the Nazi book-burnings.

Cyril
Cyril

as it turned out, my translation of this book is still available:

But this version is not the last

Cyril

I renewed the translation before leaving Ukraine but I don’t have it now, und one must ask Titus for it directly

Cyril

The latest edition is available through the Wayback machine:

But the Russian translation is not downloadable.

Cyril

there is a new study that positive correlates of childhood abuse/assault experience are predicted by the victim’s “acceptance”, and

Starting with changing individual cognition and helping individuals adopt positive cognitive emotion regulation strategies can help individuals actively reevaluate traumatic experience, so as to gain better and faster counseling results.

All this is written here:

Lijuan Quan, Bijun Lü, Jialei Sun, Xintong Zhao & Qingsong Sang, “The Relationship between Childhood Trauma and Posttraumatic Growth among College Students: The Role of Acceptance and Positive Reappraisal”, Front. Psychol., Sec. “Health Psychology”, 2022, the 26ᵗʰ of July, doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.921362

T, Rivas

This is just to say that Ipce published a fourth and final edition of my book Positive Memories a few days ago. The total number of cases of memories of (erotic and platonic) relationships and loose contacts now is 180.. See: https://www.ipce.info/host/rivas/positive_memories.htm

[…] to mentioning that some such evidence was presented by T. Rivas, as discussed on Heretic TOC in A positive sighting of 118 black swans. I should also take this opportunity to plug a 90-page chapter in a new book in which a vast amount […]

Alain M.

Hi, Tom O’Carroll.
I’m a Girllover since very young.
I here reading your post about Positive Memories of T. Rivas.
I want download the free PDF of book, but the web page of IPCE not opening, not connecting, not working.
¿What happened?

[…] book Positive Memories, first featured in A positive sighting of 118 black swans at the beginning of this month, was rightly welcomed by many heretics here. As a substantial and […]

[…] A positive sighting of 118 black swans […]

willistina556

Where’s Judith’s laser ?

peterhoo

Ethan, I appreciate you took the time to both read my questions and respond. (The discussion here is worth the read, at least that is my experience of it.)
Let’s look at your response to my first question, “For you, what leads you to believe that positively experienced sexual contacts by youths and children must always be assessed as morally wrong, and always will be?”
Ethan our society and culture, as Western spaces, are deeply risk-averse. I recall years ago attending lectures on notions of pain and ethics. The lecturer pointed out we seem to have made pain-killers and drugs that remove ‘suffering’ a preoccupation – no pain at all costs. In a different set of talks on Marxism (a political program seen by many as highly risky) a lecturer made the comment “we plan for every risk and threat, our sole concern is to ‘take it out’.” Inside popular culture, on TV shows and the like, we ask dating agencies to take the risk out of our search for a partner by pre-loading the process with questions that eliminate anything that might make the process fall-over – the prospective partner must like certain books, eat certain food, have certain preferences. Failure is out of the question! In an essay, I think by Susan Sontag, I recall the point, even the music we listen to must be perfect, no wrong notes, played on stereo systems designed to be ‘perfect’. We know what is meant by that sad modern profile – the helicopter-mum.
In your answer Ethan you pick/set-up terrible outcomes – “my 10-year-old son to takes my car with his pal”. Ethan is this a serious response to a serious question? Fundamentally I see the issue as, what will happen if you adopt another view, one that says yes and not no? I see in your text a pattern that is guided by the same kind of anxiety and fear that the talks of modern ethics, Marxists concerns about modern life, and comments about music, all attempt to point to. I think your answer is framed ahead of time in how you position and craft your stories.
Whether the outcome is intended or unintended, for you, morality has no links with choice or experience when a person is young. What leads me to think this is the ‘always wrong’ proviso. I am not offering some simple formulae, but I am wanting to factor in the contribution a young person makes to a situation, and preferably I want them to see how that works.
I do take on board the repeated statements you make about a value you put on balance – ” I am far from saying I support the whole constellation of society’s current views on the matter.” I do hear you Ethan.

ethane72

For several years I considered myself a Marxist, though I don’t claim to have understood all of its depths. But decades ago I came to believe that violent revolution in the name of any ideology is stupendously dangerous and immoral — certainly in a democracy where the ballot box is available.
Adults can choose to take as many or as few risks as they like. Within limits, parents can decide how many risks to expose their children to. (Yes, helicopter moms go too far.) Children and especially adolescents get to take risks (such as early sexual activity with peers). Society in general doesn’t like adults doing things with other people’s children without the parents’ knowledge and consent; thus the endless permission slips and release forms. What society in general hates is when an unrelated adult colludes with a child to do something without the parents’ knowledge. It hates it with a passion when it’s something that looks like it’s primarily for the other adult’s benefit and when there are risks the child is in a poor position to understand. Try telling the neighbor’s kid that it would be great fun if he cleaned the chimney (since his small body fits), and you’ll pay him 25 cents for it too, but he has to be sure not to tell mom and dad. That will get you in huge trouble, and prudishness has nothing to do with it. (I’m thinking of the dangers of falls and exposure to toxic chemicals). Saying adult-child sex is always wrong is not a general statement about unwillingness to consider risks.
One of life’s patterns is the tendency of children and adolescents to take risks against the advice of their parents. Some parents are over-protective or make other mistakes, but I think history shows that there’s no class of people who can be trusted to do a better job than parents at protecting kids (though we make individual exceptions for abuse and neglect). Parents are the best people to decide how much freedom their children can handle. Sometimes the kids just have to win, we accept that, and sometimes they’re right.
This raises the question of cases where the parents actively approve of the adult-child sexual activity. Assuming there is no sort of quid pro quo arrangement or any hint of prostitution, this removes many of the objections. (Rivas’s proposed “In case the child or teenager has a relatively good relationship with his or her parents or care-takers, they ought to be fully informed about the relationship” has two unacceptable loopholes: the child and adult are evaluating how good the relationship is without consulting the parents, and they are informing them instead of asking permission.) This might be another case where a prosecutor should decline to take a case: if the parents gave permission. But that would only come up in some society quite different from our own.

willistina556

Where’s Gil’s laser ?

clovernews

It’s all very entertaining to read speculations about how a hypothetical law permitting some adult-sex contact could operate, though, as they seem to belong to some kind of parallel universe, I’m not sure how to judge their merits.
Comparing the suggestions with currently legal activities, I really don’t see how any kind of romantic/sexual relationship can flourish when the participants don’t know with reasonable certainty whether what they are doing is going to be regarded as legal or illegal.
Any case where this depends on whether the junior participant ‘feels good’ about the relationship after it is over would seem a big no-no – it simply wouldn’t be accepted by teleiophiles for example.
As in ‘normal’ relationships this should all be a matter of negotiation between the participants, aided by the reactions of (an enlightened) society at large.
With regard to sexual non-relationships, why should children and teens be restricted to furtive kissing and solitary masturbation?
Surely any such fumblings and what is currently regarded as ‘child molestation’ should be right outside any consideration of legal or illegal, right or wrong, in the same way that shaking hands or hugging is – i.e. such things are just part of everyday life.

Sorry, i wrote in german. Vielen Dank für dieses Buch. Auf meinen Webseiten habe ich dazu gleich ein New publiziert hier:
http://krumme13.org/news.php?s=read&id=2508
Wünsche viel Erfolg und alles Beste…
Gruß Dieter-K13
[TOC Adds: Dieter, in Germany, thanks Heretic TOC for giving details of the book by T. Rivas, and he sends best wishes. He says he has also given the book some coverage at the website mentioned. Cheers, Dieter, good to hear from you!]

Ethan Edwards

“Does your comment suggest that for boys the likelihood that a sexually expressed friendship will be positive, and that one might expect differences for situations where the young person involved is female?”
I was raising what I think is a strong example of how one can consent to an activity at the time but deeply regret it later, and not because society told you it’s wrong. I don’t have a full theory mapped out. I am open to the idea of fundamental psychological gender differences in matters of sexuality.
However, I have heard anecdotal evidence of boys who become very attached to men and are deeply hurt when the men end the relationships — though my impression is that whether sex happened or not isn’t so important for that result, and the emotional relationship is key.
I know that young men of legal age can feel deeply hurt when they think a woman loves them but is just playing around — or just when they thought the relationship would last but it doesn’t (it happened to me). I have few intuitions about man-boy sexual contact.

Ethan Edwards

I see your point. I was just brainstorming about boys and harm, not making an argument. However, something on the legal side may inform opinions about things that should be illegal.
The law matches morality only approximately, and one has to draw lines somewhere. Sexual activity is comparatively objective to determine, and we know you can raise healthy children without it. There are very harmful things that are not illegal. Do adults in their non-sexual relationships with children have a moral obligation to think carefully about whether the child is becoming dependent on them in ways that aren’t ultimately good for them? Absolutely.
The VIrtuous Pedophiles position is that adult-child sex is wrong. (That does not actually require a belief that it be illegal, though I suspect most of us would agree it should be.) That can fit into a broader pattern of things that are wrong but can’t be ascertained in a court of law.

Ethan Edwards

“I suspect Ethan hasn’t even thought about [the distinction between man-boy and man-girl relationships]”
This is an unwarranted and unkind suspicion. I have fewer intuitions about gay men and boys, but I am well aware they exist. I don’t mind separating the cases, but until convinced otherwise (which is doubtful) I believe man-boy sexual relationships are wrong too.
“the dominant pedophobic narrative would prefer to desexualise boys and girls altogether by talking of them as just children”
I’m not part of that narrative. Young teen boys and girls are highly sexual, but ideally its expression stops at (say) kissing others (and masturbation alone). Even young children masturbate, but that doesn’t mean they are ready for a sexual or romantic relationship with another person.
“[boys] have strong sexual urges which surely need to be met…”
My goodness these are needy boys! You’d think we ought to organize and draft hebephiles to make sure there’s a man for every boy. 90% or more of boys want nothing to do with a man and their desire is for a peer girl. Mostly they’re stuck with masturbation until they’re a bit older, though I gather in today’s world more and more of them are getting blow jobs from these girls.
This argument is couched in terms of what’s good for the boys, but isn’t the urgent impetus behind all of this the desires of the men who so desperately would like to have such relationships with the boys? Is it an accident that among all those who care deeply for the welfare of boys, the only audible voice in favor of their rights to sexual expression come from the men who would like to be on the other end of the relationship?

Sugarboy

“90% or more of boys want nothing to do with a man and their desire is for a peer girl”
I don’t quite know in what Sura of the Holy Quran you read this statement, but even if it holds true, there are good grounds to believe that that 10% would be enough to please all world’s boylovers – and their young friends too!

Edmund

“I have fewer intuitions about gay men and boys, but I am well aware they exist.”
What exists?? Gay men (yes) or boys (yes) or your intuitions about them (no)? A little knowledge would help before you try to enlighten us through your intuitions: the anthropological and historical evidence that most men sexually involved with boys have been otherwise heterosexual, not gay, is too extensive for citation here.
“90% or more of boys want nothing to do with a man and their desire is for a peer girl.”
This is really important evidence, so could you tell us where you found this survey? To evaluate it, we need to know the details: how old the boys were, what they knew about sex with men and girls etc. Or is it another “intuition”?
“Mostly they’re stuck with masturbation until they’re a bit older.”
Yes indeed, thanks to their repression by people like you. Or did your mysterious survey show they find masturbation more physically and emotionally satisfying than making love?
“Is it an accident that among all those who care deeply for the welfare of boys, the only audible voice in favor of their rights to sexual expression come from the men who would like to be on the other end of the relationship?”
Of course it’s not an accident. The only other interested party are boys themselves, who are allowed no voice in the question at all. That is precisely the problem.
Alexander’s Choice, an Eton love story, http://www.amazon.com/Alexanders-Choice/dp/1481222112/

Ethan Edwards

I realized from a closer reading that I could read the Rivas study without having to buy anything, so I did. The only case studies I looked at were the man-girl connections, because they are of the most interest to me. I found them very interesting.
I set about characterizing those 34 cases. In 15 cases, no heavy-duty sexual activity happened before the age of 15. (Details: I included a girl of 14 who had several previous peer lovers; in 3 cases a romantic relationship had started earlier; and in a few cases, no sex occurred at all.) It intrigued me that in 6 of these cases the woman was still involved with the person several years later. But with regards to later perceptions of harm without iatrogenic contamination, I was interested by two cases where sex never happened: Judith Levine was terribly jealous when her man gave his boots to another girl, and Koekie cried all night discovering her man had fallen in love with someone else. It seems likely that in other cases where sex happened and the girls later felt betrayed, their ill feelings would have knocked them out of the sample. Overall these 15 girls give me the impression that they are effectively adults.
That leaves 19 cases where sex happened before 15, and in all they were clear that the relationship was OK and they had no regrets — the criterion for inclusion in the sample. I looked to see what hints I could get about an answer to my question: Would the relationship have been worse or better if the sex hadn’t been present? I thought 4 gave a clear indication that they actively wanted the sex, 2 hinted that the sex was more something they put up with, and for 13 it isn’t clear.
What astonished me was the leap from the data to the conclusions in this study:
“The existence of positive memories of relationships between adults and children can hardly be doubted anymore, and this enduringly raises the issue of sound criteria for morally acceptable relationships.”
In logical form this is akin to interviewing lottery winners and then concluding the way to financial success is to play the lottery. He then spells out some moral criteria, which is an interesting exercise. I share the intuition that if one were going to allow adult-child sexual relationships, they would reduce the chances of harm. But there is no relationship between the data and that exercise.
In the introduction Rivas was very clear that it is in no sense a random sample. There is no way to compare positive to negative outcomes. If we want to say science has anything to do with this, we need data showing that when those criteria are met, harm does not happen or is very rare. What does the present data tell us about the occurrence of harm when strict moral criteria are met? Nothing, except that harm is not universal. Now, the chances of avoiding harm when strict moral criteria are met are surely much better than winning the lottery jackpot. They could easily be 50% or higher. How to estimate that value and its implications is an entirely different topic. (To keep this in context, there is no change to my personal view that adult-child sex is wrong and always will be.)
[TOC adds: Your three posts have been interesting, Ethan, and I wish I had time to discuss them. Perhaps others will. My printed copy of the book has only just arrived so I cannot sensibly comment on your post above, except to say that at first glance it seems you may have some strong points.]

peterhoo

Ethan, let me check how I read your text. You state both “I have never doubted the existence of positively experienced adult-child sex” and at the same time your explain your moral position that underpins the opinion you offer, “there is no change to my personal view that adult-child sex is wrong and always will be.” For you the moral character of sexual contacts between people is not defined in any fundamental way by the issue of whether what happens for those involved is experienced as positive.
I do understand that some things we experience as positive may be open to question, it is just that for discussions of sexual intimacy the perspective of those involved is usually seen as important. For you, what leads you to believe that positively experienced sexual contacts by youths and children must always be assessed as morally wrong, and always will be?
In addition to an interest in your thoughts Ethan I am also interested in a process where we as adults are finding ourselves challenged to take more serioiusly than we have in the past the feelings and judgements of the young.

Ethan Edwards

“For you, what leads you to believe that positively experienced sexual contacts by youths and children must always be assessed as morally wrong, and always will be?”
Positive outcomes and universal wrongness are compatible in my mind because of uncertainty at the outset. It’s wrong of my 10-year-old son to take my car with his pal and drive through the countryside, swerving now and then but avoiding accidents and having a wonderful exhilarating day. It’s even wrong if he comes across another driver who’s been in an accident in a remote area that results in saving her life.
“In addition to an interest in your thoughts Ethan I am also interested in a process where we as adults are finding ourselves challenged to take more serioiusly than we have in the past the feelings and judgements of the young.”
I am somewhat conservative on this. I raised three daughters, and I think that those of us who have been in the trenches of parenthood often (not always) see this differently. Children need limits, and the key to good parenting is to choose the limits wisely and relax them gradually, subject to the children showing good judgment. Parents often make mistakes, and when they are bad ones it damages the child — and these are the cases that take on out-sized importance in pedophiles’ hopeful minds. But the solution (in principle, if we are going to free a kid from their parents’ control) is to find a different parental-role grown-up (not one with any romantic or sexual interest) to set limits wisely, not to give the kid free reign.
I counseled my daughters against sex before age 18, and as it turned out this was not a battleground for us. I have no reason to think that children risk much greater non-iatrogenic harm from early relationships with adults than with peers, but the prohibition is on the adult because he knows better and is responsible. Yet if such a relationship is discovered and the teen insists over time that it was consensual and she or he feels good about it, in a better world I would like the prosecutor to use discretion and drop the case — that is honoring the minor’s wishes. But if there is any regret, the man loses, even if the child admits it was consensual. The sentence in that case could be much lighter than in today’s world.
I explore these scenarios partly to point out that when I say adult-child sex is wrong, I am far from saying I support the whole constellation of society’s current views on the matter.

VoA

Concerning Ethan Edwards’ comments, and regardless of how this or other similar studies may appear, IF a sexual interaction between adults and minors would take place, assuring a positive experience for the younger partner would be a core value for a true Child Lover, whether our detractors accept such a concept exists or not.
In the Rivas study, as it pertains to all potential current adult-child sexual relationships, these children choose/have chosen to keep their intimacy a secret, because most people’s opinions will tend to be negative as a result of current social beliefs. As such the likelihood of our awareness of a greater number of age-disparate relationships will be significantly reduced, thus the lack of available or credible data.
This secrecy also protects their relationship from ending abruptly, and has an incalculable negative psychological impact on the child’s well-being, since the child cannot gain valuable insights or knowledge from his or her peers, teachers, parents, or mentors, nor lessons that may enlighten the minor regarding their rights in any sexual relationship — either underage, or as an adult.
An adult authority-figure’s past experiences can potentially be useful to a child, because sharing such knowledge in a safe and non-threatening environment provides the unschooled partner the needed awareness of their own level of control in an intimate situation. It also affords them the skills necessary to make sound decisions regarding what is deserved of them should they consider an intimate sexual experience with another person — younger or mature, the opposite gender or their own, and ostensibly how to correctly and safely respond to undesired advances.
Currently children do not have the freedom or support structure to discuss topics of sexual intimacy with adults without potential condemnation or suspicion for the older party. If a child were to ask an adult about sexual relationships at best the adult would be inclined to tell the child to “worry about that when you’re older,” and at worst the adult would become paranoid, concerned for their own safety, and possibly believe the child had been molested.
The Rivas study isn’t a comprehensive evaluation nor a complete understanding of positive child/adult sexual intimacy and/or relationships, although it continues to illustrate positive experiences rather than focus on what people falsely believe … that ALL sexual relationships are harmful and damaging to a child. Extrapolating specific conclusions from such a small subset [in the Rivas study] would be statistically invalid, and more needs to be done to encourage an open dialog between children and adults so the younger person’s perceptions and awareness can be clearly understood.
Given the current hysteria related to age-disparate sexual relationships, positive or not, it’s highly unlikely additional information will be added by a younger partner in any significant quantities or at an accelerated pace. It’s assumed, and probable, many more positive relationships exist today in secret, but because of the level of scrutiny and abhorrent attitudes by people with desires to inflict grievous harm to the adult partner a child may wish to maintain their silence and preserve what they feel is to their benefit.

Ethan Edwards

Tom, I don’t think I’d ever heard you admit before that white swans exist, as in harm from apparently consensual adult-child sex. You may have thought it obvious, but when evaluating a heretic’s views common assumptions aren’t always wise.
I have never doubted the existence of positively experienced adult-child sex. I would think only zealots would doubt it, not thoughtful people. For me, the accounts of adult gay men who fondly recall as young teens being introduced to sex by an older man are evidence aplenty.
It matters to me is whether something is rare or very rare. I would think it is fairly common that a child who is lacking adequate parental affection and attention would be deeply appreciative of a caring man. It would also be reasonably common that such a child would put up with sex as a necessary part of the relationship. What I’m most interested in is whether the child feels that the relationship with sex in it was noticeably better than the relationship would have been without the sex.
Based on the excerpts you sent to the Sexnet list, some of the subjects are speaking of the relationship as a whole and not addressing the sexual aspects separately.
I doubt I’ll buy the book, but if someone re-categorized the data in that way it would be of great interest.

Dave Riegel

Interesting. I see on http://www.ipce.info/host/rivas/positive_memories.htm that 61 of Rivas’ 118 cases were sexually expressed boy/older male relationships. But I don’t know anything about the author, and he is not referenced by Google.
I am, of course, familiar with Sandfort’s work – I even have a hardcover issue of his 1987 book. I also have Clancy’s book, Zuger’s commentary in the New York Times ( http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/26/health/26zuger.html ), and Green’s review ( http://www.springerlink.com/content/p47xq64784pr0550 ).
I would also offer for consideration by HTOC readers my own 2008 Internet based research report (n=103) in the same area ( http://www.sebrom.info/), which I am sure, as a complement to Rivas, would fascinate Nick Devin and the other fine folks on SexNet 🙂
Dave Riegel

peterhoo

I value greatly material that helps all of us gain a more objective and balanced picture of what lives outside our subjective experience.
On one point I may show a misreading Susan Clancy’s book, if so guide me please. I recall reading in her book how some people approached her believing they may fit that group label “victims of sex abuse”, but at the same time they had questions. The point these people had was, how is it, at the time of their contact with the adult, along with the sexual component inside that contact, they experienced no trauma or harm? For these adults who approached Susan the harm, trauma, and pain, if it occurred for them, happened later.
It is my reading these narratives are of people speaking as adults about past events as children. Over time they become aware of discourses of harm. These stories offered them the templates of abuse that at the later time they considered adopting. The contact with these discourses stimulated and guided an negative impact, it triggered and formed new ways of perceiving themselves. That new set of ‘memories’, and the process of their formation, came to be viewed as evidence of trauma and harm.
If I have misread Clancy’s book, please guide me to a more accurate reading of her text.
As a closing point, it is my view the raw data of Clancy’s study actually points to the sound basis of Rind et al’s material. As Clancy’s book points to in its title, for some cases where as children they had sexual contacts with adults, there is a trauma myth.

Ethan Edwards

Indeed, society does sometimes convince a child that what happened to them was wrong even when the child didn’t think so.
But there are other reasons a person might consent at the time and feel bad later. For the clearest example, consider adults. One of the commonest stories we have in our culture is women who consent to sex with men thinking the men are emotionally committed, exclusive, planning on getting married, etc. They feel deeply hurt later if they feel they were deceived. They even feel hurt if they recognize that they were engaging in wishful thinking. Men sometimes spot the case of a woman who says she wants sex with no strings attached but doesn’t really mean it, and sensitive men will often decline even if they would have enjoyed the sex. Children are even more vulnerable to being hurt because they have so much less experience and judgment. The common view in society is that that’s an entirely sufficient reason for adults not to get sexual with children. (It doesn’t of course mean that the child always *will* be hurt.) If such a child grows up and feels they were abused, you can’t lay that at society’s feet.

peterhoo

Ethan, I do not believe the question I pose will come to your mind as a logical move, but it does link up in some way with what you offer. Does your comment suggest that for boys the likelihood that a sexually expressed friendship will be positive, and that one might expect differences for situations where the young person involved is female?
In posing my question I am not offering a green light to anything goes in the world of boys and men, but if your observation about gender differences is accurate, then other questions can occur to a reader.
I believe a finding in the work of Rind and others seems to support gender differences in how intergenerational relationships can unfold and be seen for those involved.

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